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GENESIS I
You made it for yourself because you needed a hobby to challenge your mind and help you choose an aim. You didn't get a manual about how to be you when you were born.
A younger less experienced version of you is out there going through the exact kind of stuff that you went through. Technology has made it so that you can create the manual that you wish someone could have handed you. I'm getting off on a tangent here. Before we go any further I'd like to present to you the following statement. Its from a Marilyn Manson song "Disposable Teens" which launched around that same when I moved to NY.
I've put a lot of time building my chops working with live audiences over the last 3 or 4 years. Most of that work started in the beginning of 2019 when I moved to Tampa.
Just a few months earlier I had booked my first paid gig at a local bar in my second hometown Oneonta, NY at a joint we call The Red Jug Pub on main street. Part of me wanted to play the show but it felt bittersweet to me.
See, I was very thankful to the Jug for the opportunity.
But after 30+ years of battles and adventures I had lost my fire. I didn't practice much for the gig and it didn't go all that great. It wasn't too terrible either. I've definitely had worse nights out but I just didn't have a great show.
I didn't have much experiences crafting a show. So what.
I've been playing all my life. If you put me on the spot I'll be able to play something for sure. Most likely something you know even. That's doesn't make it a job well done.
I played pretty strong for about an hour before I started to go down in flames. From there I sorta just played alot of the same songs. I would stretch parts of songs with no singing to kill time. Like the kids these days say - IYKYK.
;-)
To make a long story short, the videos below were made in the years following that pitiful night at the Red Jug.
Side Note: I've never been in the military but i've been they have this expression. Goes like this:
Prior. Planning. Prevents. Piss. Poor. Performance.
While we're on this subject its also worth noting their other expression:
Keep. It. Simple. Stupid.
Maybe just switch that up and say that Prior Practice Prevents a Piss Poor Performance! Hey look at that!
I can't say I came up with it on my own.. But I can tell you why you will hear me constantly coming back to it.
We are creators. I'm gonna take this a step farther and say that if Prior Practice Prevents Piss Poor Performance(6 Ps)... then we also have to address the myth that practice makes perfect. Get that out of your head. Perfect practice makes perfect.
Still, we can't wait until everything is perfect if we want to progress. To make progress we must iterate on what we know. To create we must be willing to step into the unknown and put ourselves out there.
This is what is meant when you are told to be vulnerable.
You've probably heard someone say that you should be more vulnerable. You'be probably heard others say that you shouldn't be. Vulnerability is not weakness.
vul-ner-a-bil-i-ty - noun - the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
Now lets look another word Confidence:
con-fi-dence - noun - the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. The state of feeling certain about the truth of something. A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
Also lets look up the root word CONFIDE.
con-fide - verb - tell someone about a secret or private matter while trusting them not to repeat it to others.
Which brings us to the topic of surrender. To be a leader is to be vulnerable. Leaders go first. To be the first to step into the unknown by defualt means being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, whether physically or emotionally. When stepping in front of an audience any number of things can go wrong. It is a highly unpredictable situation. As artists we may experience F.E.A.R. about stepping out in front of a live audience. In the process of development we may learn to manage tha F.E.A.R. by reminding ourselves that we've done this before and everything will be ok. For the most part this is reasonable. It is also reasonable to acknowledge that people are highly unpredictable and being in front of a live audience does present a real threat to more than just our ego.
R.I.P. Dimebag Darrell
Like you said though.
You'll probably be fine. I'm going to all this length to drive home a point. Dime was absolutely in a vulnerable position. If you're not familiar with the story, Dime was shot on stage in Cleveland, OH. What is even crazier is that it was a fan of his band Pantera who shot him on stage. If you're interested to learn more about that, here's a video that will tell you all about it.
Dime was in a VERY vulnerable position... but he was in a surrendered state. He had devoted his life to his creative practice and fulfilling his purpose as an artist.
We can see that by looking at his life in retrospect.See its a lot different to be vulnerable because you are meaningfully engaged in real life situations that are growing you. Growth is a messy process.The more immersed you are in challenges that you don't know how to face... the more engaged you are in the unknown... the messier its going to be.What does this have to do with you? Glad you asked.See... there have been a few key ingredients missing in your practice of perfection while developing your craft.
Commitment and Accountability
You have struggled to fully commit because you have been busy looking to the rest of the world to define you. You've taken the Red Pill. You've woken up and realized that we're living in a simulation. You've realized that you're not your job, your money, your car or your khakis.We are the all singing and dancing crap of the world. You know that you're not a special snowflake. But you're not out of the woods just yet. Memento Mori
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